What The Jeff? What are they on... Nutters.

Yes you really are seeing a Playmobil Nun! Being the festive season and very nearly christmas I thought I would do a post about these helluva weird Playmobil toys..... I am gus to g that they really must have run out of things to do one day, and I would have loved to have been at the meeting where somebody stoody up and said . "I know what wouould make us money and that todellers would like to play with... A Nun!" and everbody nodded their heads, looked at each other and went "Hmmm. Nun, Ya, Lets do it people." Those crazy Germans.

The best bit is that not only, out of any of the posible figures they could have made, did they choose a nun, it also came with a bible accesory ha ha. Bizzare that there is no other religious Playmobil, or anything you could use it with... result? Nun on a Jetski, On the plane (like in the film airplane?) robbing a bank? putting out a fire.... why the options are endless....

Check the link, by clicking on the post title and look at the 'specials' they do, from Sherlock Holmes, to Buckingham place guards so, just waaa?

It just gets better and better, look what else they do!

Its that time of year again... from the special range? well yes you certainly are.... So a nun, and a cop with a camera, all we need is a playmobil car and bang we have a photo.... just noticed the look of glee on the guys face. B******

So following on from the post above, Playmobil seem to have gone a bit wacky on the old drawing board this time, here we have a Hazardous Material clean up (Hazmat) team set. I mean what were they thinking.... Your three, your sitting down with your Playmobil house, car fire engine then (and this is from playmobil.com)

"Oh no! Hazardous waste has seeped out of a barrel and onto the village sidewalk! No need to worry, the Hazmat Crew has arrived. The street is secured with a road warning sign and the Crew begins to clean up with their powerful vacuums. Dressed in protective uniforms and armed with hazardous material equipment, the sidewalk will be free of this hazardous material in no time."

Just when you thought it was safe as a 3" plastic figure, disaster strikes! I find it hilarious, in fact it even got the attention of the media, Playmobil responded with an argument that roughly said 'We are representing real life' its fantastic that the horrors of today has made its way into playmobil. absolutely fantastic and so so random! Good fun for placing in toilets or other hazardous areas..... I really couldn't believe these when I saw them, but they are absolutely legendary. Buy one. Now!
chimp

Chav Hunting

If You Go Down To The Woods Today....

And you think you don't like them?

Okay, I am not sure if this warrants a whole article but something really really annoys me. and you. And everybody for that matter. This problem is the Chav.

In fact the best thing I ever saw, and this is honest to God true, was in the summer, a Chav in his Burbery and trackies, was walking with some other Chav's along the road when he turns to his mates and says "watch this." With no idea what he was gonna do I was amazed when he took of his shirt and began walking right down the middle of the road, with arms out saying "F****** come on then!" to all the traffic heading towards him.
All the cars slowed and passed round him, whilst his girlfriend was shouting "Darren Na! You'll get killed!" but he carried on and shouted back "Na i'm ard mate!" I was just like what the? but then the funniest thing happened. This guy saw him, and just swerved towards him! he jumped backwards and shouted "Ah you C*** you nearl F****** hit me."

The Guy slammed on his brakes and shouted back "Don't walk in the F****** road then you W****r!" and shoved into reverse, backed up and then drove off. I just laughed my head off. I wish I had fillmed it. Says it all really. What part of him seriously thought it would be a good idea? All show, no brain and no balls.

It just begs the question why oh why do they exist? I think their main meaning in life is to emulate Jimmy Saville perhaps the founding chav, with a catchphrase "Jim'l fix it", certainly all Chav's seem the need to "fix" I am sure there is some scientific evidence that Jimmy Saville is an anti Ozzy Osbourne. Random.

Anyway I started looking for a dictionary definition and turned to good old Wikipedia.

It really come out with some nuggets of gold: (Click post title for link)

- Chav is a slang term which has been in wide use throughout the United Kingdom since 2004. It refers to a subcultural stereotype of a person with fashions such as flashy "bling" jewelry and counterfeit designer clothes, an uneducated, impoverished background, a tendency to congregate around places such as fast-food outlets or other shopping areas and a culture of antisocial behaviour.

- If female, wears thickly applied make-up, makes heavy use of fake tan, and has a hairstyle in which the hair is pulled back into a tight bun or ponytail (called a "Croydon facelift" [8] or "council-house facelift"), and stilettos.

- The essential stereotype is of someone conspicuously "common" i.e. lower-class, where "class" is defined by taste as much as (or even instead of) income. ( I love the end of that)

Bearing in mind how damn funny the wikipedia definition was, I looked for even better sites, we all know and love www.chavscum.com and this pointed me in the direction of an awesome site, www.glasgowsurvival.co.uk its fantastic! go there NOW!

The site talks about the cities Ned's, or Chav's and is packed full to the brim with funny stuff When you do get there, check out 'toys' so so funny. From a video clip to a Chav showing off his bike and going headfirst into a wall, (cruel but you have to keep replaying it) to the young chav's alphabet board (yes V is for Vauxhall Nova) It is so so funny.

There are also some great T-shirts like; "Happy slap me and I'll hapilly slap you back", "Before you say it, what would I want to look at you for anyway" to "Bob's your uncle and your dad" between the sites, how it go down on the streets of Brighton we will never know. Would be a blast around Whitehawk though....

ANTI CHAV MEASURES

As Chav's like to arse about outside closed shops, some of the shopping centres are starting to play really irritating highpitched noises and seaguls so that Chav's cant stand there. Better than this though, I was chatting to Dom and he said near him there is a Co-op that plays Classical for the same reason! So damn funny, that they know it will keep them away. Dom is hopefully gonna stick up some pics or maybe a movie if he can get one....

The truth is, nobody in their right mind likes chav's. It's so damn funny that they believe that they are all 'ard' but are essentially tossers. I was fortunate enough to be sitting watching a Chav vs. Chav Vs. Police riot which appart from the flying bottles was so funny because the stereotype is so true, from girls screaming "Damien he's not worth it" to choruses of "Leave it out mate". Scary if they are coming at you with about twenty of them, their 9 year old girlfrinends and 6 kids, but at least when they fight each other its just funny.

I'm sure everybody has something to say about dumb Chav's so comment it; if anybody is offended by this, tough. Take off your cap and go back to spitting on the pavement.

Just to finish off I thought I would put a few jokes in from here; http://www.chavworld.co.uk/jokes.htm

- What's the most confusing day of the year for a Chav? Fathers Day!

- What do you call a chav in a tastfully decorated house? The burglar.

AND THE BEST

- Why are Chavs like slinkies?They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flightof stairs.

So why this post? Well, I did say this blog would have rants and raves....

Remember when you see a Chav don't forget to point and laugh.

Take care.

Chimp