Ah ah ah

Achooo!

It began with an Arrrse!

I remember one summer day some two years ago, we had just left Bhasvic on a free period. The ‘us’ comprised of Dom, Regine and me. We were heading down to Brighton, it was a nice day, the sun was shining the weather was sweet, yeah. We were waiting to cross the Old Shoreham Road, Dom made it across first and sat on the wall to point and laugh whilst I dodged busses and gesticulated at light running cyclists. By the time I had made it across I wasn’t really thinking about what I was about to say, never a smart move and oh yeah here it comes… think Michael all you gotta say is AH DOM! What happens…? “ARRRSSSE!”

WTF I think to myself, that’s just not right, my eye traced up however along the wall and through the open window at thirty pairs of eyes looking back at me a look of bemusement and scorn creased the faces of the OAP’s sitting down to lunch in their nice quite home... Luckily I didn’t say what I was thinking, realizing that not only had I managed to shout Arse through their open window, but they had completely managed to miss the fact that Dom was sitting hidden by the shrubbery, on the other side of the wall. From then on in Tourettical moments was born, we returned to college, fresh from a trip down into the depths of Brighton and realized how much their was to comment rant and rave about… Yes we saw some crazy S**t, (I remember a woman with a sign… “Blair spank my badger” but what good is it if nobody ever gets to see it… There was no question about it we needed a blog and we knew the name… Tourettical Moments after that fateful day.

But that was nearly two years ago and this is now, a lot has happened, we have grown older, less mature and gone our separate ways, well not really. In fact I have pretty much stayed where I am, moving on to Sussex Uni, studying Media, whereas Dom is now showing them how its done down in Southampton Uni, studying a real subject, like cemistry? Cehmistry? Anyway that. Not only are we there, but we have been there for a year and now we’re back in force.

Alas its time to say goodbye to the past, it’s the end of an era and yes, it’s been emotional. From the delights of Fred the Policeman, to the crazy Playmobil nun’s and who could forget the Dog’s Frolics and Chimp election campaign. It’s been a wacky ride of random comments, rants, antics and life in general, more importantly things that made us laugh.

It’s not all bad though because we’re not going away forever, oh no. Soon you will see the launch of a new blog, Still Mike and Dom, still tourettical, but this time it will be louder, faster, maybe even more random. This time its student life, from our arsing about at home to getting through the days at Uni, the new blog will also feature video, audio and all the stuff we can actually get up to now we are that little bit older, wiser and of course younger ;-). Stay tuned guys it’s been great.

See you soon

Mike/Chimp

Ps: What do you get when you mix a 1987 Ford Escort with three students vinegar, a plastic submarine and a tub of bicarbonate of soda? Find out soon...

About time.

Right, well its been a long, long time since I have last posted on the blog so in honesty its about time I did.

As a teaser for whats to come, we have some visual tomfoolery in store for you all, more random ravings thoughts and pictures from our travels which have made us laff or are just plain weird.

Now here's a question...

What do you get if you mix three students, a C reg Ford Escort estate and a video camera? Well you would be wrong... You will just have to pop back to find out...

Welcome back old friends, its been a long time

Mike

Mentality of an Oxford Uni student....

If you search for oxford student in the news in the past few days then you would expect to see something like super high intelligece, witty poetry and achievement awards.

What I did find was this fantastic news story which beautifully captured the student mentallity perfectly and is enen more commicsl that it was an oxford student. Essentially the story goes a little like this;

Mr Brown had gone out for a night on the booze when he went up to a police officer and said "Excuse me, do you realise your horse is gay?" He was arrested and taken into custody for using offensive language to the officer. He was told to pay an £80 fine, but declined saying "I didn' think horses were that sensetive." what a leg of a comment.

Anyway the police took him to court where it was dropped. so the question is, was it pretty pathetic of the police? Funny? Or alternatively "Why the hell did an Oxford student call a horse gay? how gay is that?

(click on post title for BBC News story)

What The Jeff? What are they on... Nutters.

Yes you really are seeing a Playmobil Nun! Being the festive season and very nearly christmas I thought I would do a post about these helluva weird Playmobil toys..... I am gus to g that they really must have run out of things to do one day, and I would have loved to have been at the meeting where somebody stoody up and said . "I know what wouould make us money and that todellers would like to play with... A Nun!" and everbody nodded their heads, looked at each other and went "Hmmm. Nun, Ya, Lets do it people." Those crazy Germans.

The best bit is that not only, out of any of the posible figures they could have made, did they choose a nun, it also came with a bible accesory ha ha. Bizzare that there is no other religious Playmobil, or anything you could use it with... result? Nun on a Jetski, On the plane (like in the film airplane?) robbing a bank? putting out a fire.... why the options are endless....

Check the link, by clicking on the post title and look at the 'specials' they do, from Sherlock Holmes, to Buckingham place guards so, just waaa?

It just gets better and better, look what else they do!

Its that time of year again... from the special range? well yes you certainly are.... So a nun, and a cop with a camera, all we need is a playmobil car and bang we have a photo.... just noticed the look of glee on the guys face. B******

So following on from the post above, Playmobil seem to have gone a bit wacky on the old drawing board this time, here we have a Hazardous Material clean up (Hazmat) team set. I mean what were they thinking.... Your three, your sitting down with your Playmobil house, car fire engine then (and this is from playmobil.com)

"Oh no! Hazardous waste has seeped out of a barrel and onto the village sidewalk! No need to worry, the Hazmat Crew has arrived. The street is secured with a road warning sign and the Crew begins to clean up with their powerful vacuums. Dressed in protective uniforms and armed with hazardous material equipment, the sidewalk will be free of this hazardous material in no time."

Just when you thought it was safe as a 3" plastic figure, disaster strikes! I find it hilarious, in fact it even got the attention of the media, Playmobil responded with an argument that roughly said 'We are representing real life' its fantastic that the horrors of today has made its way into playmobil. absolutely fantastic and so so random! Good fun for placing in toilets or other hazardous areas..... I really couldn't believe these when I saw them, but they are absolutely legendary. Buy one. Now!
chimp

Chav Hunting

If You Go Down To The Woods Today....

And you think you don't like them?

Okay, I am not sure if this warrants a whole article but something really really annoys me. and you. And everybody for that matter. This problem is the Chav.

In fact the best thing I ever saw, and this is honest to God true, was in the summer, a Chav in his Burbery and trackies, was walking with some other Chav's along the road when he turns to his mates and says "watch this." With no idea what he was gonna do I was amazed when he took of his shirt and began walking right down the middle of the road, with arms out saying "F****** come on then!" to all the traffic heading towards him.
All the cars slowed and passed round him, whilst his girlfriend was shouting "Darren Na! You'll get killed!" but he carried on and shouted back "Na i'm ard mate!" I was just like what the? but then the funniest thing happened. This guy saw him, and just swerved towards him! he jumped backwards and shouted "Ah you C*** you nearl F****** hit me."

The Guy slammed on his brakes and shouted back "Don't walk in the F****** road then you W****r!" and shoved into reverse, backed up and then drove off. I just laughed my head off. I wish I had fillmed it. Says it all really. What part of him seriously thought it would be a good idea? All show, no brain and no balls.

It just begs the question why oh why do they exist? I think their main meaning in life is to emulate Jimmy Saville perhaps the founding chav, with a catchphrase "Jim'l fix it", certainly all Chav's seem the need to "fix" I am sure there is some scientific evidence that Jimmy Saville is an anti Ozzy Osbourne. Random.

Anyway I started looking for a dictionary definition and turned to good old Wikipedia.

It really come out with some nuggets of gold: (Click post title for link)

- Chav is a slang term which has been in wide use throughout the United Kingdom since 2004. It refers to a subcultural stereotype of a person with fashions such as flashy "bling" jewelry and counterfeit designer clothes, an uneducated, impoverished background, a tendency to congregate around places such as fast-food outlets or other shopping areas and a culture of antisocial behaviour.

- If female, wears thickly applied make-up, makes heavy use of fake tan, and has a hairstyle in which the hair is pulled back into a tight bun or ponytail (called a "Croydon facelift" [8] or "council-house facelift"), and stilettos.

- The essential stereotype is of someone conspicuously "common" i.e. lower-class, where "class" is defined by taste as much as (or even instead of) income. ( I love the end of that)

Bearing in mind how damn funny the wikipedia definition was, I looked for even better sites, we all know and love www.chavscum.com and this pointed me in the direction of an awesome site, www.glasgowsurvival.co.uk its fantastic! go there NOW!

The site talks about the cities Ned's, or Chav's and is packed full to the brim with funny stuff When you do get there, check out 'toys' so so funny. From a video clip to a Chav showing off his bike and going headfirst into a wall, (cruel but you have to keep replaying it) to the young chav's alphabet board (yes V is for Vauxhall Nova) It is so so funny.

There are also some great T-shirts like; "Happy slap me and I'll hapilly slap you back", "Before you say it, what would I want to look at you for anyway" to "Bob's your uncle and your dad" between the sites, how it go down on the streets of Brighton we will never know. Would be a blast around Whitehawk though....

ANTI CHAV MEASURES

As Chav's like to arse about outside closed shops, some of the shopping centres are starting to play really irritating highpitched noises and seaguls so that Chav's cant stand there. Better than this though, I was chatting to Dom and he said near him there is a Co-op that plays Classical for the same reason! So damn funny, that they know it will keep them away. Dom is hopefully gonna stick up some pics or maybe a movie if he can get one....

The truth is, nobody in their right mind likes chav's. It's so damn funny that they believe that they are all 'ard' but are essentially tossers. I was fortunate enough to be sitting watching a Chav vs. Chav Vs. Police riot which appart from the flying bottles was so funny because the stereotype is so true, from girls screaming "Damien he's not worth it" to choruses of "Leave it out mate". Scary if they are coming at you with about twenty of them, their 9 year old girlfrinends and 6 kids, but at least when they fight each other its just funny.

I'm sure everybody has something to say about dumb Chav's so comment it; if anybody is offended by this, tough. Take off your cap and go back to spitting on the pavement.

Just to finish off I thought I would put a few jokes in from here; http://www.chavworld.co.uk/jokes.htm

- What's the most confusing day of the year for a Chav? Fathers Day!

- What do you call a chav in a tastfully decorated house? The burglar.

AND THE BEST

- Why are Chavs like slinkies?They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flightof stairs.

So why this post? Well, I did say this blog would have rants and raves....

Remember when you see a Chav don't forget to point and laugh.

Take care.

Chimp